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Some Days Are Harder Than Others

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

By: Jennifer Clark

“I want to stay home with you today, Mommy,” my son told me from his car seat on the way to preschool. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw his big blue eyes well up with tears.

Some days the drive in to work is harder than others.

Other mornings he urges me to drive faster, “Hurry, Mommy, that truck is beating us!” He can’t wait to get to school and play with his friends. We get there, and he jumps out of the car. He hugs me as an afterthought, and bursts into his classroom, leaving me standing at the door, watching him.

Would he rather be home with me? Would he rather be at school? Or does it all depend on whatever thoughts are going through his little three year old brain at the moment?
I am still trying to find my way as a working mom. I look at some of my friends in awe. How do they have it so together? They work, they chauffeur kids from one activity to another. Some of them actually make crafts they found on Pinterest. Seriously, Pinterest. I can’t remember the last time I saw the surface of my kitchen table, and they are designing wreaths and making vegetables trays that look like characters from Sesame Street.

I feel inadequate. I feel jealous. I feel tired.

But I don’t feel like I made the wrong decision. In some ways, I’m a better teacher now than I was before I was a parent. My son is strong willed. He doesn’t always make good choices at school. Let me tell you, as a teacher,  you really gain some perspective when you are on the other side of the parent- teacher conference about a child’s behavior. Now, I think about the kind of teacher I want for my son, and ask myself- is that who I am?

The hardest part for me is finding balance. It is a daily struggle. Some days I fail. I don’t give my son all the time and attention he needs. That’s when I need to pray. And I will admit, sometimes I fail there too.

The bible tells us to seek first the kingdom of God, and all the rest will be added.  I’m afraid my priorities have been out of order, and I doubt I will find the balance that I am looking for until I get that right.

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